What if I became a carpenter? Like the kind that only works in Southern California where the weather’s nice and that doesn’t care that much about money, but that gets to spend all day outside, be their own boss, wear cool goggles, and at the end of the day has something tangible to show for their time. That’s a thing, right? I think those people are on HGTV all the time.
Plus if I were a carpenter, I’d have to really concentrate on my circular saw or whatever so I wouldn’t have time to just sit and hurt and feel sorry for myself. I’d have a circular saw and goggles, dammit! I’d be in charge of making things! I’d carve my initials into benches and shelving units and stuff. And my neighbors would host dinner parties and their friends would be like “awesome porch swing, bro” and my neighbor would be all “yeah, my cool neighbor made that for me and I paid her in burritos.” I think I could like that life. But like, how do you become a carpenter? Does a poli sci degree qualify me to learn the nail gun? Is there a way to avoid doing any math?
UGH. I forgot about the math part until like RIGHT NOW. So neverminddddd. I’ll stick to being unemployed and reading a book a day and then drinking too much wine at night while writing sad email drafts. That seems more my speed. Sadly there’s less outside time and burrito payments, but on the bright side: more accidental napping and new word learning. We shall see.
Have you ever thought about building something as a gift? It sounds kind of daunting because the ceilings at Home Depot are really high and the dudes that work there always leer in a weird way when they ask me if I need any help in the wood section. But it’s kind of cool to put your time and effort into something that your friends will be forced to display because it’s too big to hide in a closet. Today my friend and I spent some time making a “framed” chalk board that we are going to hang in my living room. In my head, I thought it would be nice to display each night’s dinner menu on it, but then we realized that it would just end up saying “hummus, carrots, and peanut butter pretzels” EVERY night. So instead we’re drawing self portraits of ourselves eating hummus, carrots, and peanut butter pretzels.
Anyway, might make a fun housewarming gift for a friend who’s got some walls to fill. People’s art tastes can be a little unpredictable, but with a hand painted and framed chalk art square, they can turn their wall into whatever they want! Plus, it’s not that expensive. The whole thing cost about $35 and only took a few hours of painting and gluing during commercial breaks of Keeping Up with the Kardashians. Fun all around!
Things For Other People 