For Your Boyfriend- BBQ Branding Iron

It’s football season! Teams! Touchdowns! Assault scandals! Meat grilling! Men thinking it’s cool to be drunk from Thursday night to Monday night! Yay!

[Important Football Question: You know those guys who have long hair/dreads and leave them down under their helmets? HOW CAN THEY STAND IT? Is it some sort of fashion statement? Because if my hair was stuck against my neck while I was sweating for three hours, I think I’d die. I get that a top bun wouldn’t fit under the helmet, but why not a cool braid or some sort of shorter haircut? Perhaps The Rachel? If someone can enlighten me as to why this hair-down thing is done, I would be greatly appreciative and also maybe able to concentrate on the actual game. (But probably not because I’ll be dying of boredom.) Digression over.]

The one really good thing about football season (besides the fact that I get to wear old college shirts on Saturdays instead of doing laundry. Go Bears!) is that every weekend is a big meat- and beer-filled party. I could pretend that I’m one of those cool “most of my friends are dudes and I’m just one of the guys but all my friends think I’m hot because I’m a dainty girl who drinks beer” ladies, but come on. Football is the worst and I don’t like watching it. Most of it is not even actual PLAY. It’s just time where everyone is standing around and drinking Gatorade. And yet, somehow, men still find a lot of reasons for loud outbursts that always startle me while I’m focusing on eating dip. But then again, there would be no reason for me to eat dip without football, so I dunno. I’m not totally against it.

Anyway, I don’t want to be sexist and be all- “buy this for your boyfriend because only men like meat and sports” but like…. I mean, I LOVE meat (saucy winky face), but I don’t really want to be in charge of grilling it. There’s something about dudes that makes them think they are virile cavemen/cowboys when a grill is around. And that’s fine with me because I’m concentrating on the dip.

Buy this branding iron for your manfriend and then he can go all John Wayne on everyone’s steaks and/or Morning Star Veggie Patties (#ughLA).

Pro-tip: wrap it in his favorite team’s colors. (Then don’t let him take the wrapping off so that he has to hold a ribboned rod when he brands things. I just like that visual.)

For Your Gal Pal- DIY Bath Tub Tea

Let’s talk about a dating issue I’m having. The problem with going on dates with stranger dudes you meet in the bar/post office/Trader Joes is that they have no connection to your real life. Obviously that means there’s the possibility that they murder me in an alley, but I think the bigger problem is that it is just so EASY to lie to them about everything in my life. There are no outside verification forces (i.e. mutual friends) who won’t let me brag about my fake accomplishments. “Oh, me? I’m a National Merit Scholar but I passed on a job with NASA because I wanted to join the Clinton Foundation and save the world. Also I am a super good cook, so I teach cooking classes twice a week. Oh, and I love Pilates.”

Except, like, NO. None of that. The rational part of my brain is like, “Um STOP THIS. They will find out the truth eventually!” but the tipsy part of me is like, “oh hey, also pretend you speak fluent Swedish. HE’LL NEVER KNOW.”

Keep your judgements to yourself, though. Because it’s worked great so far. Ha! If things progress with someone, I guess I’ll just have to become the person I made up. I’m already half way there because I watch a lot of Food Network and did Pilates once in college.

Anyway, the people who ACTUALLY know me can tell you that there is one truth in my life that will never change: I love baths. When people say that baths are gross (because you are basically marinating in your body dirt or whatever) it makes my physically angry. BATHS ARE AWESOME. Maybe you fools are weirdly dirty so your baths are disgusting, but mine are heavenly. Because I am perfect and always clean like a princess.

For the bath lovers (my best friends) in your life, how about some DIY Bath Tub Tea?

Working for a ladymag has taught me that women love DIY. We will literally never leave the house if you keep supplying us with an endless list of crafts to make. BUYING THINGS IS FOR MEN. So. After your DIY nail art dries, run to the store and spend way more money than you would have if you just bought ready-made bath salts, then DIY away! It’s a gift for you AND your giftee. Välkomna! (According to Google, that’s “you’re welcome” in Swedish? Boom.)

I was going to retype all of the DIY instructions and lie and pretend I thought up the whole idea, but I’m working on my fibbing problem. At least with you. You know me too well. Check out how to do it here.

 

(INTRODUCING) DUDES’ CORNER! Back to the Future Lego Delorian Sets

Introducing: DUDES’ CORNER! (Omg, please send us better name suggestions)– where Katie gives you semi-random, slightly nerdy, often ridiculous, and always awesome ideas for gifts for dudes.

Ladies, stop giving  your man massage coupons. They don’t give a shit about those, and you’re not very good at it anyway.

Men, stop patting your manfriend on the back at the bar and thinking that will cut it.

Be better. Be awesome. Be more like me and Katie (#humblebrag). You’re welcome. Here’s Katie….

So, K was not joking about that whole “I’m telling Katie she’s going to write for the website right now” thing.  I got a gchat from her that surprisingly didn’t involve what flavor bagel she ate that morning and BOOM – there it was.  Full shout-out on the blog.  K knows I’m a huge supporter/lover/creeper(?) of her blog, so I was pretty excited when she asked (told) me to contribute because she and her blog are hilarious.  I’m nervous.  Does it show?  I am.  Sorry, guys.

ANYWAY a little about me.  K and I met freshman year of college at Berkeley.  We both got drunk for the first time at the same party and then cried about it together.  It was a friendship-at-first-sight sort of thing, and we’ve been attached at the remote ever since.  I am currently what I like to call a “fake lawyer” in that (1) I’m waiting to get my bar results back and (2) I work at a place that I like but I get paid in peanuts.  As in, they literally hand me a bag of peanuts and pat me on the back at the end of the week.  I’m obviously kidding – that’s not true.  Pats on the back are totally inappropriate.

So anyway – on to the gift-giving.  Guys!  I get them!  Sort of.  Okay, not really.  But I am an awesome girlfriend because I give cool gifts.  The only time a massage coupon is an appropriate gift is if it’s a “massage” in the same way those sketchy places with neon lights/curtians in the window are “massage parlors.” And even then, I feel the occasion shouldn’t be rare enough that it constitutes a gift (maybe this is why my boyfriends say I’m awesome?).

My boyfriend, like me, is a lawyer (except he actually makes money because he’s a real lawyer and WHATEVER I KNOW HE’S MORE SUCCESSFUL THAN ME SO SHUT UP ABOUT IT).  He also, like me, is a giant nerd.  SO, when just this last month lego came out with “Back to the Future” DeLorian sets, he flipped out like me on Free Chipotle Day (it’s Halloween – look it up).  This finely tuned time machine now sits proudly on his desk, and it makes a GREAT gift for any fellow nerds out there who need a little desk swag.

Excited to be here!  Excited to meet you virtually!  Yayay!

Katie

P.S.  This is not called “Dude’s Corner.”  Holy crap I hate that so much.

For Your Friend- A Round of Drinks FROM THE INTERNET

A quick something special for my friends in Los Angeles and Seattle- I’m assuming you all have smart phones because this is NOW, and even babies have smart phones, and how do you avoid making eye contact with people in line for coffee if you aren’t Instragramming your shoes?

Anyway, I had the pleasure of going to the launch party for a new gifting app (#thisisthefuture) last week, and decided to share it with you because it’s cool, and also because they gave me free sliders and wine so I’m STILL in a good mood.

Gratafy is an app that lets you send restaurant food/alcohol gifts to your friends VIA THE INTERWEB. Here’s how it works:

Say it’s your friend’s birthday and they are celebrating with a big dinner at a restaurant in Santa Monica. However, you live in West Hollywood and refuse to try to go west of the 405 after work because NO WAY THAT’S FAR. So you send a text to your friend like “sorry, bro. would love to make it but ugh work and things and my boss is mean and meetings!” and your friend knows you are lying because then you tweet about watching Chopped on your couch, but they let you off the hook anyway because they are a better friend than you.

Then you start feeling guilty because you remember that last year for your birthday, your friend brought you champagne and agreed to karaoke with you even though you are a bossy, mic hogging terror at karaoke. But now it’s 9:15 and your shoes and pants are off so it’s not like you’re going to get in your car and try to make it to dinner by dessert-time. What do you do!?

Answer: stop making vine videos of your roommate watching TV, and open up your handy dandy Gratafy app. Then choose the restaurant and select your friend from your phone/facebook contacts and send them a little slice (or glass) of happy. Buy your friend a round of drinks at the bar they are at, or if you are sending this to me, make it an appetizer AND a round of drinks. Then your friend just has to show their phone to the server and collect on their gift. (Did that explanation make sense? Probably not, but just read the website. It’ll help.)

Helpful tip: you can also send gifts to yourself and sit at the bar pretending you are really popular and everyone loves buying you drinks.

FOR YOU! Free Sunglasses and Lip Gloss Give Away!

Photography skillz are overrated.

UPDATE: All prizes have been claimed! So like… sorry, everyone else. Still send me emails, tho. I will respond because I am trying to avoid doing work. ❤

Hello hello hello hello hello hi. My lovelies- did you think I was neglecting you? WordPress definitely did. It’s been so long between posts that when I just clicked on the little icon thingy on my internet toolbar whatchamacallit, WordPress didn’t even automatically log me in! (Hashtag 21st century problems) Which I thought was pretty rude since I just had to pay actually money to them to renew my domain name.

DO YOU KNOW WHY!?!? Because today is the ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF THIS SITE! It is all very exciting. Shall we name all of the exciting things that are happening as a result of this anniversary!? I think we shall! And since I have been dictator of this blog for a whole year now, you are powerless to stop me. Let’s shall:

1. MOST IMPORTANT: I AM HAVING A FREE GIVE AWAY AND YOU CAN WIN PRIZES. LIKE ACTUAL PRIZES. REAL LIFE PRIZES. PRIZES! Guys. Want some sunglasses and lip gloss? They are brand new and from Stylemint and I got them from my work because my job is better than yours. Anyway, I am giving away two pairs of glasses and a lip gloss to the first three of my 12 readers (kidding, there’s more than that #humblebrag) to email me at thingsforotherpeople@gmail.com to beg for them! Is this illegal? No, right? Because the glasses are technically mine and I am just sending them to a friend as a gift? ….. Free pair of sunglasses to the first lawyer to email me and tell me this is okay.

2. I REPEAT: FREE SUNGLASSES. If you wanted to write a little note to me in your email about how pretty I am, there’s a chance I throw in some loose change or whatever jewelry I can steal from my roommate. If you are a dude, you can give these prizes to a lady in your life. Or use them yourself. No judgement.

3. Another exciting thing: my hilar friend Katie will be guest posting a lot more this year. You might remember her awesome post about the Star Trek nope, Star WARS ice mold last year. I decided that because she is way better at knowing cool dude stuff than me, that she will now have her own “Dudes Corner” (temporary title…) where she will give you ideas about stuff for men that is not Back Rub Coupons- because usually that is all I can think of because guys are hard to understand and because why don’t they just like home decor presents as much as me? Anyway, she doesn’t know it yet, but she’s super excited to be joining the team. She’s finding out AS WE SPEAK because all I told her was that there is a paragraph in today’s post about her. Everyone welcome Katie! Yay Katie! She’s great.

4. I already have a lot of great new posts lined up for the next few weeks, so YOU’RE WELCOME.

5. We are done talking about my break up because I have now moved into the dating lots of dudes from bars/ eating my feelings stage of my life. Happier days!

6. MORE GIVEAWAYS. If this one goes well and I don’t go to jail, we’ll do lots more all year.

In conclusion, thanks for sometimes wasting a few minutes on this site. You are the reason I didn’t become a slobbering, cheese-devouring recluse during all of my hard times. And the excuse I use for doing my favorite thing: reading the whole internet “researching” all day during my good times.

Please keep reading. Be my best friend. I love you.

xx

K

For Dad- Kid-drawn Personalized Key Chain

Sdjfhsdjkhfksjdhfksjdhfsdfjk. How hot is it where you live? If the answer is “below one hundred and omg omg my body is melting,” I have a serious question. Can I come live with you?

At my job, I’ve been writing a lot of “Yay! It’s fall! Leaves and crisp air and soup eating!” pieces for smug jerks lucky ladies who live in places with “seasons”, and yet in real life, I live in a Los Angeles that just remembered what summer is and decided that Aug 30 was a good time to ramp up the heat. As a result, I’ve been sleeping with a fan directly on my face and wearing zero clothing to bed. (I’m gonna go ahead and let you pretend I meant this in a sexy way because woe be to the person who actually sees me awash in my sweaty mess of sheets every night.)

Really though, last night I stumbled out of my room at 3am and closed-eye walked to the freezer to desperately search out something to cool me down. Lucky for me, I found a booze necklace (think tiny bottles of alc on a string) amongst the wreckage of freezer burned lean cuisines and vodka water bottles. I wore/hugged that necklace all night long and was finally able to eek out a few hours of sleep. Then I walked to work this morning and lost 20 pounds of sweat weight. I am the most attractive!

So now I’m hiding out at my office FOREVER. There is air conditioning here. And fans that oscillate instead of blow hot air directly at your mouth and make your baby hairs tickle your face all night. Maybe I can sleep here and they won’t notice. I can lay on the couch and eat trail mix from the snack table for dinner. And entertain myself by writing up gift ideas. In that spirit, here’s TWO ideas for you (because I want to try to get all of my ideas out soon in case the sweat dripping down my neck is actually my liquified brain leaking through my ears. Wait. Gross. But like, maybe actually possible?)

1. Aforementioned booze necklace. For a birthday (or hot night emergency). Boom.

2. A keychain made from your drawing. The website tries to make this a cute “kids” present and it probably would be, but let’s be honest, my drawings are like 100x worse than the child-examples they show. So I’m going to make myself feel better by pretending that at least some of those were drawn by adults, and start giving this gift to all of my friends from here on out. I’ll probably start off trying to illustrate elaborate inside jokes and end of up sending everyone a keychain of the superman “S” that we all learned to draw in elementary school. You’re welcome.