For Your Boyfriend- Sharetapes

I’m not going to pretend that I’m super familiar with tapes. I did have one once. Ace of Base. I can’t remember if I bought it or found it in a closet. Seems like something my dad might have bought under the guise of giving to me, but actually kept to secretly listen to in the car. I’ve often wondered why he knows so many of the words to “I Saw The Sign.”

Anyway, I’ve heard some folkloric tales of young lovers, clad in jean vests and leg warmers, who painstakingly recorded Duran Duran onto their tapes, loaded them into their boom boxes, and played them outside of their true loves’ windows. It was the age of romance! Sadly, I was negative-4 during this golden age, and by the time I understood music, had motor skills, or was, you know, alive- the era of Say Anything had passed.

I tried maybe twice to sit by the radio and record Backstreet Boys onto a tape when I was in elementary school, but missing those first few seconds of the song in the frantic dash to the record button always drove me nuts. The thought of trying to get a whole collection of songs onto a single tape is maddening. I don’t think I’ve ever liked anyone enough to try. Even Shane West. And I LOVED LOVE Shane West.

Lucky for me, the “mixTAPE” has continue to evolve. Tapes might have been great in the Lloyd Dobler/Diane Court era, but I grew up during the reign of Britney and Justin, baby! And when we put together collections of love songs (obv including “Baby One More Time” and “Tearin’ Up My Heart”), we opened up our jewel cases, put our songs on CDs, and tried not to smear the permanent marker hearts we had drawn all over the front.

But what about now? Young people nowadays can’t be bothered to carry around tapes or CD players, or generally to hold any sort of anything ever. How’s a gal to deliver the musical poetry of Rihanna to her very own Justin Bieber? Enter: sharetapes.

I have read the website and still literally have no idea how these work. But they look cool. I think you can load songs from any sort of playlist (itunes, spotify, other things cool music people know about that I’ve never heard of), and TAP it on someones phone to transfer the list! WE ARE LIVING IN THE FUTURE.

Check it out. Make one for your secret admire-ee. Just don’t forget to include Savage Garden’s “I Knew I Loved You.”

For Your (Hipster?) Friend- A Litograph

Today, shall we consider the hipster?

I have an irrational hatred of hipsters. It’s really not fair to them. Most are perfectly nice people, with perfectly rational minds, and who make perfectly responsible life choices. But I’m sorry, if you wear stretchy hammer pants or a wool hat in the summer, I just hate you. I hate you if you are vegan because it’s “healthy,” but also anemic because you still refuse to eat meats like humans have done FOREVER. I hate you if you only drink PBR at brunch, and talk incessantly about Coachella. If you have ANY sort of ironic accessories like fake glasses or suspenders, I just can’t.

I guess my problem with hipsters is that they are so hung up on being “alternative” that they don’t realize that EVERYONE IS A FUCKING HIPSTER NOW. It is no longer weird to drink bourbon out of a mason jar or jam to the old timey sounds of Mumford and Sons. THAT’S EVERYONE. YOU ARE DOING WHAT EVERYONE DOES. You are not more intellectual, interesting, or cultured than those of us who DON’T have tattoos of the monsters from Where The Wild Things Are. You are just dressed dumber.

Anyway, whoa. Sorry to get so real with the hipsters. That diatribe was unexpected. I had a random thought about mustaches halfway through my first paragraph and just kept on typing!

Remember when I said I think they are perfectly nice people? I do! My BFF is a sometimes-hipster, and even though I beg her NOT to wear her straw fedora in public, I know she is a cool person and her hipsterness comes naturally to her.

Plus, she IS intellectual, and intelligent, and cultured. That’s why I got her this awesome gift. For the hipster in your life (or NON hipster who just likes to read books like a normal person), this website sells posters and shirts with designs based on some the greatest works of literature of all time (including the Kama Sutra. But good luck getting laid if you wear the shirt in public).

The coolest part? The ENTIRE text of the book is on the shirt/poster. Check it out!

BONUS idea for this: How adorable would it be to get posters of three or four of the children’s books they’ve got (Jungle Book, Aesop’s Fables, Pinocchio, etc), and frame them to hang in a nursery!? Brillz.

UPDATE: I was just informed that Queen of the Hipsters, Lena Dunham, ACTUALLY HAS A WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE TATTOO. I swear I had no idea. I don’t watch Girls (shocking!!!). I literally just made that up (or more truthfully, I know a girl from college with this tattoo) and it turns out it is true! Amahzing.

For Your Bridesmaids- Flask Bangle

So this really weird thing has been happening to me at work lately- I’ve actually had to work. I mean, I’m BUSY. Like, super busy. Like so busy that I forgot to eat lunch until 4pm three days in a row. So busy that I haven’t read Gawker in 3 weeks and I STILL don’t know what this whole Harlem Shake thing is all about. SO BUSY I FORGOT TO PUT ON MAKEUP FOR THE ENTIRE DAY YESTERDAY. (Sorry, coworkers!)

The good thing about being busy is that the days go by in a SECOND. Last week it felt like I started checking emails first thing on Monday morning, and when I got up to take a pee break it was Thursday at 9pm. I basically didn’t move from my desk for 4 days straight! The week flew by!

The BAD thing about being so busy is that I now have a UTI. (Kidding. Gross. My body is perfect. I just realllly like cranberry juice. I swear. Leave me alone.) Anyway, besides the obvious having-to-work-more-than-I’d-like thing, being busy sucks because I am forced to neglect many of my favorite work pastimes. No longer can I tell the receptionist to hold my calls while I “work on the paperwork” (play Facebook Scrabble and look at Pinterest) like I usually do every day at 3pm. And no more “putting my headphones in to focus” (watching all the Youtube videos) at 11:30am so my coworkers won’t bother me.

Obviously all this working has left very little time for blogging.

BUT TODAY I am back! I am rejoining the world! Rejoice, fellow travelers of the Internet! I am here!

My mind has been so preoccupied with the anger and sadness that come from looking at the office clock and realizing it’s 9:45pm and you are still working, and Pretty Little Liars is over, and you didn’t get to watch it with your roommate and drink wine and complain about how ugly Aria’s outfits are, that I’ve had very little time to troll the interwebs looking for gift ideas. I DID, however, make time to troll the interwebs looking for creative ways to get alcohol into my body while I’m still at the office at 9 O CLOCK PM ON A WEDNESDAY.

Turns out, what I found could make a fun little gift. Flask jewelry! Maybe for a Bachelorette party, bridesmaid’s gift, or birthday?

Or me. You could just send it to me. I’ll be at work. Forever.