IMPORTANT NEWS: the bangs are now long enough to be parted and pushed to the side! Success! I am now in a place where I only hate them approx 35% of the time. Things are really turning around over here. You’re welcome for my hair update.
Also! It’s summer! Or at least it is here. I don’t know where you live. But it’s probably nearing summer because of global warming and whatever. (In my head, summer is not an official season with a start and end, it’s generally “any time I get to wear jorts.”) So obviously, it’s time to go to the beach.
One problem (beside the inevitable sand-in-vagina-region sitch): where do I put all my shit when I’m tanning?!?!!? I can’t just leave my phone out to get all hot and angry at me. And how am I supposed to store my Bay Cities sandwich in between bites? IN A COOLER? YEAH RIGHT. I don’t have one of those. I’m not MY MOM. Then there’s all my other standard accouterment: keys, watch, pocket breathalyzer, family size bag of pita chips, etc. I’d leave them in my purse, but when I’m face down with my eyes closed, some hooligan could come by and grab it and I wouldn’t even know! Plus, there’s a good chance my top is untied and I guarantee that everyone not seeing my boobs would be more important to me in that moment than getting up and chasing a robber.
That is way I sort of love this beach pillow. You can put all your stuff in it while you lay out. AND you don’t have to make a pillow out of your jorts! Goodbye, weird indentation in my head where the button is poking me! I’ve got a SPECIAL TANNING PILLOW now!
This thing also calls itself a “massage pillow.” I don’t know who these ladies are going to the beach with, but I need to meet their friends because mine are definitely NOT giving me massages, ocean-side or otherwise. They are too busy chasing the dogs other people brought to the boardwalk. But whatever, if some dude wanders by and asks to rub sunscreen on your back, and least you’ll have some nice head support while he does it.
Enjoy!
Things For Other People 