So, predictably, I still have NOT finished cleaning out my closets. I got it to the pull-everything-out-and-put-it-in-piles-on-the-floor-and-bed-stage. But that was pretty taxing, so I decided to skip out on the organizing/cleaning/putting everything back stage and drive home to my parents house to watch Alias on my computer in a clean room and let my parents pay for dinner.
AND YOU GUYS. Michael Vartan! How did I forget about Michael Vartan! True story: I met him once at work and got to ride in an elevator with him late at night by ourselves. And then we almost made out but right before he could reach over and shove me up against the wall, some other bitch from the 3rd floor got in. At least I’m pretty sure what was happening. GEEZ he is a good looking dude. This has nothing to do with my gift idea, I just wanted you all to know where my head is at right now.
Anyway, guess who else was at my parents’ house this weekend- my baby sister! And even though in my head she’s still the 8 year old terror that used to physically assault me for eating the last pop tart, IRL she is turning 21 this year! Obvs I will be taking her to ALL of the gay bars on her birthday, but as a special fancy present I am gonna craft up some bottles of terrible alcohol because that is easier than getting her what she really wants (a Lee Pace sex doll, I’m assuming). Plus, I’ll already have a lot of leftover glitter from the Ke$ha concert I am going to tomorrow.
21st birthdays are tough to gift for because there isn’t generally much present opening and appreciating time at the party. Everyone is just getting wasted. (Unless you’re me. I had a daytime tea party for my birthday because I’m lame BUT WHATEVER BECAUSE I MADE SCONES AND THEY WERE FUCKING DELICIOUS.) So to solve that problem, attendees generally just make MOAR ALCOHOL the gift. Which is perfectly acceptable if you want to be a normal gift giver and not The Best Effing Gifter Ever. SO. Here’s what you do- spend a little extra time fancy-ing up the bottles of Malibu and flavored Smirnoff and whatever else people drink when they are 21 so that your present will stand out. That way, even when your sister wakes up the next day and can’t remember anything that happened, she’ll see your fancy bottles and know that you love her and are sorry for eating all of the pop tarts when you were growing up.
OK! Time to go buy some neon outfits for Ke$ha and maybe see a movie by myself so that I can avoid being in this disaster of a bedroom…
Things For Other People 